So I have been meaning to do this, I don’t expect you to read it all. But I am pretty sure you will learn something or if not it will distract you from doing some work which is always a positive, right?
Has this year been a good year? Well I have probably learnt the most this year than any other year. Sometimes it is really hard to learn too much valuable lessons at once. I am not sure I could handle that much truth about myself, but I needed it.
This year I have learnt to not take everything so seriously, in fact. Its not that I even take everything too seriously, I just focus all my energy in the wrong places. I have learnt to value the time I have with friends and family, because they will go. Wether it’s because it’s something you say or because their time runs out. People die, relationships end and I didn’t appreciate the time I should of with some incredible people.
I have learnt that I shouldn’t focus so much on working if I am not happy, I should stop trying to please people and trying to guess what they want. But working on work I want to do, that satisfies my inspiration, my needs, and being good at it. There is no point trying to satisfy people, because you can never satisfy everyone. I lost my inspiration and love for theatre too many times this year, because I am just not doing work I enjoy, because I am trying to impress others. No one should do that, you live once… though I constantly get told off for it. Break the rules. Especially in art… who bloody set the rules anyway?
I have learnt that the internet doesn’t just exist on my computer, this is an incredibly naive thing for me to learn. I used to rant about anything and everything on the internet. Thinking that no one would see it. We all have bitchy thoughts in our heads, in fact half the people I love I talk shit about in my head. Those things should stay in the head… they don’t need venting out, there should be a filter. I was incredibly naive and stupid to think no one would see what I wrote, and I have most certainly paid the price. I still to this day replay the day everyone turned on me because I miswrote something on the internet… you don’t forget those things.
I have learnt that the world isn’t against me, that people are actually trying to help me. I have learnt that I am not a genius I am no better than anyone else. And I have learnt maybe I need to work a little harder and not to rush everything. I have 5 months left of free rehearsal space and money to live off from the government. I need to use it, and become as good as I can be.
This year I wrote my first play, I directed and produced it then put it on in front of over 200 people. I wrote 3 short films which I am incredibly proud of. I discovered a love for writing I never knew I had. And if anything that is the best thing I have learnt this year.
I don’t know why I needed to write this, the blog originally was to feed my creative needs, then the blog developed into a professional diary and then my bitchy opinions creeped in. It should of never got that far. So from this moment on, a year after I started the blog I want to take a new turn. I want to apoligse for anyone I have hurt during 2011, if you are an actor that I wrongfully insulted or an ex that I called a horrible name. This year was a tough one but I have learnt, like everyone else. And 2012 will be a good year. I can feel it.
This blog is for my creative work, just my creative work. It will be where I discuss my work and practitioners/theatre companies I currently love. It will be my scrapbook of the world I want to live in.